When I come home full of bubbles and beans,
Buoyed by the minor triumphs of my work day,
I can’t wait to come home and fill you all in,
You show your love and pride with a vocal “wa-hey!”.

When I come home spitting venom and bile,
At some stupid triviality that has come my way,
I know that I’m safe just to vent all to you,
Of course you agree fully with all that I might say…

When I come home shattered and horribly late,
Stressed out, under pressure, nearly out of my mind,
You’re on hand at the station, ready with TLC,
Once home you make dinner and pour me my wine…

Whatever the day and whatever my mood,
Whether I’m happy, tired, angry or sad,
You’re my true retreat at the end of the day,
My rock and my refuge – and of you I’m so glad…

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Blagging It!

Started new job just two weeks back,
On day four had a minor heart attack!
Boss’s words chilled me to the bone,
I’m to do a big project all on my own!!!

It seems that my department head
Thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread!!
Not sure what gave him that idea…?!?!?
High expectations to live up to here…

Never mind I’ve not done this before,
And am new – so barely know the score,
No choice but to take it on the chin,
It’s climb the board and dive right in…

And so it seems it’s sink or swim!
Not been given any water wings!!!!
This treading water feels quite draining,
Where’s my job-specific training…?!?!?

Just one person on whom I can rely,
My fellow new start – a great ally!
But how much help can she really be…?
She’s in the exact same boat as me

Solo this task I’ll have to tackle,
Somehow managing the doggy paddle!
Just wish they’d thrown me a life jacket,
But not included in my new pay packet!!

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Blagging It

So started big scary super corporate job on Monday…

Induction Day was as you’d expect – lots of corporate rah rah rah, vaguely humiliating team exercises and meeting loads of intimidating clever people, but all of whom were nice with it at least! I made the effort to “network” (i.e. approach strangers and make small talk!), which is really not something that comes naturally to me at all (especially not with recurrent tummy troubles on top of it all too!), but still managed to be brave and pull it off (I think).

I was amazed to find that another 100 people were starting alongside me, and the induction was in this dead plush conference centre with loads of amazing food and drink laid on throughout the day – talk about rolling out the red carpet!

Of those 100, I met the one girl on my team starting at the same time – and thank God I did, otherwise the last day and a half actually spent on the office floor would have been ten times harder than were it just me! Fortunately we hit it off, and have been helping one another through all the new start stuff and having some really good chats over lunches. I know one single person shouldn’t really make that much of a difference in how you start out and see things in a new place, but somehow it still really does!

The manager of our team (of over 100 people!!!) is not in at the moment, but the acting manager looking after us is really nice and “human” (I use that word deliberately, as inwardly thought they’d all be more like super intelligent machines than people like me), and helped put us both at ease…

I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, what people around me are talking about, or where I’ll fit into to the wider team, but it’s early days yet and wouldn’t really expect anything otherwise at this point – at the very least, no one has seemed to clock any great error on their part in hiring me in the first place!!

Let’s see how it goes from this point in – so far I think I have been very brave! :D

Am Back!

Well, recently back from our ten (should have been eleven) days in sunny (read: SWELTERING 40+ degree heat) Sharm-el-Sheikh.

Let’s get the “niggles” out of the way first, starting with the highly inauspicious start of us missing our outbound flight due to pile up on the M25, which meant we were stuck between 2 junctions for a two and a half hours with not a hope in hell of ever making our flight… It was only via sheer luck that I managed to call the airline with just five minutes to spare to move our flights to the next day – any later and we’d have had to pay full whack, as opposed to already hefty “administrative fee” (which as it turns out, the insurance will cover anyway – result!). Needless to say, we were up at the crack of dawn the following day and headed to Luton via the back roads rather than brave the accursed M25 again before a flight!

Once there though, we were almost regretting coming at all – the resort we’d picked (unbeknownst to us!) was Bedouin owned and therefore “dry”. Having survived the previous 48 hours only on the sure and certain promise of cocktails on the beach on arrival, let’s just say I wasn’t happy at only non-alcoholic beer on hand to ease the sheer trauma involved in just getting to this damned godforsaken country in the first place – NOT EVEN ANY SODDING WINE. Seemed like the place was a ghost town, plus barely existent wifi – and then to top it all off, our sodding aircon only went and bloody started leaking. Hardly the most auspicious of starts, to say the least…

Oh, and did I mention the shits??? Cause, oh my God, there were shits – OH came down first followed quickly by me, and at times we were tag teaming our poor beleaguered toilet… In my case, dodgy tummy also came with the added benefit of passing out cold (or rather “out hot”) for two meals on the trot – and there I have to say the local staff were wonderful. Never has an oxygen canister been administered with such loving care… ;) Eventually we were tipped off about a local antibiotic, Antinal (illegal in the UK I believe), that sorted us both right out within 24 hours – and just as well too, as at this point I was rapidly losing the will to live, and I don’t think our bed sheets could have taken much more collateral damage…

But – believe it or not – it got better from there! :)

Wine (purchased in town from the one bottle shop) on the balcony of our otherwise perfectly charming hotel at sunset soon had us chilling, and we soon cheered up once we’d discovered how crystal clear and warm the Red Sea waters were, and that the hotel had its own private coral reef on the doorstep.

Naama Bay as a town was pretty soulless and gaudy, but we still had some great evenings (once stomachs had settled!) in the bars and restaurants out there. Certainly beat those three previous days on our sick bed sharing a single takeaway meal from the hotel restaurant sat watching the various B movies of Dubai 1, given we were both a) wanting on the appetite front and b) for obvious reasons too scared to leave the safety of our air-conditioned room!

Our primary mission for the trip to learn how to dive was completed – OH passed his four-days PADI course with flying colours (even with the ever present danger of shitting his wetsuit), while I managed to revive my long neglected diving skills as well, and even enjoy the experience in spite of sadistic, shit face, mysoginist diving instructor, lugging equipment that I swear weighed more than I did, and suffering full-blown panic attack within first hour of the course… I know I wasn’t going to drown at just 2 metres, but at the time I felt like I might – and instructor shouting at me there seriously didn’t help one bit!!! Even saw a sea turtle at one point!

So overall a really nice time, if a few pitfalls – at the very least, we did our diving, got a tan, and (once tummies had settled down) a few nice cocktails and meals out… Still, was glad to get home again afterwards – Great British weather has never come as such a relief!!

And – most importantly of all – at least MIL somehow survived our absence!!!!

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Practice Makes Perfect

Oh, when will I feel like I know how to drive?
I’m not a bad driver – six months now I’ve survived,
Yet each time I at my end destination arrive,
Quite frankly I’m gobsmacked that I’m still alive!

When’s it become second nature? Almost automatic?
My car is an auto – yet I’ve not quite got the trick,
The gears in my head seem to grumble and grind,
I still feel like a learner inside my own mind…

How long will it take? Cause I feel in the dark,
Still can’t quite get to grips with the parallel park,
I’m fine whilst in motion – can cope with the road ahead,
But at parking at the end spend my journey in dread…

I go by the book still – no cocky maneuvers,
My three point turns could be a bit faster and smoother,
But how do people drink or use their phone at the wheel??
Takes all my focus not to crash my automobile!

I’m still all on edge when I’m driving alone,
Filled with sheer relief when I make it safely home,
Jeremy Clarkson I’m not – there we all can agree,
I know practice makes perfect – but when will that be…???

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This Too….

This too shall pass – it has before,
But how much longer, how much more…?
Each day I ask myself the same,
Each day the same old shit again…

This too will pass – but when, where, how?
Feel bogged down in the here and now,
I know that this can’t last forever,
But things will get worse before they get better…

This too shall pass – the adage goes,
Time will tell in the end – I know,
But when will the future come about…?
My patience is fast running out…

This too shall pass – a wise old saying,
Five years now my constant refrain,
One day maybe I’ll look back at last,
Just live in hope this too will pass…

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In One Ear

In one ear and out the other,
With admin, finance and your mother,
Whatever “issues” we seem to talk about,
It goes in one ear, the other out,
Your promises are all in vain,
You’ll just do the same thing again,
Within a week you’ll just regress,
And leave me cleaning up the mess…

To admin act like you’re allergic,
Forgive me if I sound acerbic,
But what’s a girl supposed to do??
I’m 33 – you’re 52!!!
Older but by no means wiser,
Your job’s as a Financial Advisor!
Yet cash flows through your hands like water,
Get your own financial house in order!!

It’s always someone else’s fault,
To every problem – your default,
But just so there is no mistaking,
All of them are of your own making!
Act like consequences don’t apply to you,
When will the facts ever get through??
Live in dread of drama yet to come,
And don’t get me started on your mum!

We’ve had this conversation before,
No repeating myself anymore!
For once please hear what I’ve just said,
And get the message through your thick head!
Perhaps I should just get the hint,
That I’m the one p*ssing in the wind,
I don’t know why I even bother,
It’s in one ear and out the other…

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Skin Off My Nose

I’m sick of your mother and I’m sick of you too!
Propping both of you up seems all that I ever do,
Looking after you both – didn’t sign up for this!
And I can’t help but feel that you’re taking the p*ss,
No good deed goes unpunished – or so the saying goes,
But she’s not my mum – so no skin off my nose…

You just take take take till I can’t give any more,
Always bringing your own self-made drama to our door,
Which I then have to clean up – your mess and your mum’s,
And when it comes to her admin, you always play dumb,
And with things that I can’t do, you protest and oppose,
Let her get in a mess then – no skin off my nose…

Not my problem if your mum has run out of cash,
Sub her yourself from your personal stash!
You’ve got money to spend still on concerts and clothes,
Here’s an idea – sacrifice some of those!
You’ve not yet paid me back on what’s already owed,
So sort it yourself – it’s no skin off my nose…

What’s mine is mine – my time, money and life,
And I’ve given my all as the dutiful wife,
Some give an inch, some will just take a mile,
I’m learning my lessons – know it’s taken a while,
Time now some boundaries and some rules to impose,
Clean up your own mess – it’s no skin off my nose…

Sometimes I do dream of just walking away,
Not carrying the two of you day after day,
Living independent, unencumbered, carefree,
No more of your drama – just caring for me,
Believe me – this was not the life that I chose,
So what if we split? It’s no skin off my nose…

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No News is Good News

No news is good news – or so the saying goes,
And that saying is so apt for dementia – God knows!
Don’t worry – I’m still here and no I’m not dead!
Just not much to say that’s not already been said…

It’s not that things are better, not that they are worse,
Just not much dramatic lately to put in to verse,
And mum-in-law’s “moments” seem to serve as my muse,
Poetry just won’t flow till she’s lighted my fuse…

Work is quite busy as countdown to leaving begins,
Conducting a handover and tying up all loose strings,
My manager’s gutted and my whole team all are too,
But a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do…

Some news – found a tenant for mum-in-law’s old home,
A relief, as her bank account’s all but been blown,
On all those long weeks of renovations and repairs,
Rental income her way will come in most handy there…

But that’s about it! We’re all just ticking along,
Having said that, something’s soon sure to go wrong!
And I’ll be back on here spouting lyrical whines,
But no news is good news – at least for the meantime!

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Feeling very stressed out at the moment.

Just spent the last hour sorting out MIL’s latest crisis…

She’d managed to lose her keys and get locked out of her flat (am guessing she made it through the front door to the complex by following someone else). Given she will never carry her mobile, I found out from the care line which operates in the building, as MIL had used the intercom to them in the corridor to contact someone – which was some good thinking on her part, I have to say! (House Manager had already left for the day when all this was happening).

OH was in London with a client for afternoon with phone off and me at work here too.

Cue a flurry of frenzied calls between me / landlord (not answering) / care agency (no one on hand to come out in short notice) / locksmith / care line again to say they’ve now got hold of another manager who will come with the master keys and let her in / locksmith again to cancel etc.

Yes, I know it’s time to get a key safe in place (if assisted living will allow us to put one up).

She must have had the keys when leaving the building to have locked the door, and has obviously lost them while out on her travels to the shops and back…

Called her after an hour to make sure she was definitely through the door, and she is – asked her if she’d found the keys and she said “I haven’t looked yet”. Which is MIL code for “I can’t find them”.

The House Manager is going to blow a gasket when she hears about this.

The key was always a sore point with her even before this (she was worried about MIL losing it and someone using the front door key to gain access to the building), and MIL has only gone and proven her right there (to be fair, MIL has never locked herself out before in the new place or the old one before).

Now the only keys we have are the ones OH has, and he’ll have to hand those over to MIL tonight – it’s the sort of key that can’t just be copied on the high street (they have to be specially ordered), so that leaves a good few weeks before we have a spare back with us, and if MIL pulls this latest trick again in the meantime, we’ll be stuffed.

If we even get that far – HM will definitely be on the warpath tomorrow once she hears of this…

God knows what I’ll do if this happens in the new job…

Just not answer my phone to any numbers other than OH’s I think, and let the fallout lead back to him next time, whether in his own client meeting or not….

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