Vini vidi vāsī

Tired of being pimped out by the man,
Feeling like a corporate courtesan,
I can’t take the bullshit any more,
Disillusioned now I know the score,
This consulting game is not for me,
I’m gone – vini vidi vāsī!

A big boys’ club – great Eton mess,
Comes with the territory, I guess,
But before each project (which is worse),
They ask if I’m getting pregnant first!
A culture of misogyny,
I’m done – vini vidi vāsī!

These wannabes are too far gone,
All spouting buzzwords and jargon,
Deltas, drivers, accelerators,
Step-changes, road maps, motivators,
Not even with a sense of irony!
I’m out – vini vidi vāsī!!

All so eager to climb the ladder,
It’s The Apprentice – only sadder,
Competing always to stay late,
These are the true rats in the race,
No friends, no fun, no family,
No way! Vini vidi vāsī!

Here sharp elbows are the norm,
Each new start pressured to conform,
Go home come eight, you’re seen as shirking,
Over-dependence on “networking”,
Need to leave for my sanity,
I’m done – vini vidi vāsī!

And, oh, the chaos! Utter torture!
Ducks paddling madly underwater,
Beneath the glossed corporate veneer,
It’s inefficient as hell down here!
Lastminute dot com is not me,
I’m out – vini vidi vāsī!

It’s never substance, only style,
Fancy Powerpoints and Excel files,
That’s our output – nothing more,
Formatting slides is such a bore,
No “added value” I can see,
I’m gone – vini vidi vāsī!

The clients pay us through the nose,
And yet the Emperor has no clothes!
To blag it all just feels so wrong,
Make it all up as we go along!
Who knew I had integrity?
I’m through – vini vidi vāsī!

And my boss (already mentioned here),
A mad workaholic too, I fear,
No scruples, morals, people skills,
One of those who smiles as he kills,
This is not what I want to be,
No thanks! Vini vidi vāsī!

It’s not been a complete dead loss,
Thankfully there I came across,
One lovely girl – a true good friend,
It’s turned out for the best in the end,
No “what ifs” that could bother me,
Still tried! Vini vidi vāsī!

I came, I saw, I conquered here!
On resigning, my boss made it clear,
If I would stay, there’d be more pay,
Thanks, but no thanks! Just no way!!
For I’ve got great new job in the can!
Veniam, videbo, vincam!!!

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Blind Leading the Blind

Carers, carees – we seem to spend the days,
Trying to navigate this dementia maze,
Each with health and sanity erroded,
Both trying to find the way blindfolded,
Each wanting to help the other through,
Yet neither knowing what to do,
Both locked into this toxic bind,
It’s just the blind leading the blind…

We pay our visits to the GP,
In hope that of some help they’ll be,
They listen, nod – some sympathise,
But where it counts are not that wise,
For still the best that we can get,
Is the “disease-slowing” Aricept,
A cure’s still lagging way behind,
It’s just the blind leading the blind…

So, having paid our taxes to date,
We look for some help from the state,
Only to find another source of stress,
The bureaucratic mess that is SS,
Who even when they’re on the ball,
Don’t offer that much help at all,
And if a support worker’s assigned,
It’s still the blind leading the blind…

In desperation, we search online,
Communities of the afflicted find,
Practical advice, a listening ear,
That’s what we hope to find on here,
It helps to not feel so alone,
But we’re all fighting battles of our own,
And I don’t mean here to be unkind,
But we’re just the blind leading the blind..

There’s no end to the daily grind,
No button which could time rewind,
Each and every effort undermined,
No way out that anyone can find,
Life of carer and caree so entwined,
Yet each in their own way lose their mind,
To our fate we all must be resigned,
It’s just the blind leading the blind…

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Wedding Rant….

Sorry to have been AWOL so long – have been busy at work and pulled my first mid-nighter in the office on Tuesday, which wasn’t fun but probably scored me a few brownie points at least! Still recovering from that one tbh.

Anyhoo just here for a rant. Had a family wedding yesterday – MIL’s god-daughter. Thank God it was local so not far to travel, and the wedding itself was beautiful.

But oh, MIL, MIL, MIL.

Cue about a phone call every ten minutes from Thursday afternoon onwards about what time we were picking her up, who was getting married, why hadn’t we told her, what was she wearing (we had the outfit hanging up for her) etc etc.

‘Who is getting married – why didn’t you tell me etc’ theme carried on right till we were sitting waiting for the bride and groom till they walked down the aisle. OH going nuts and getting angry all throughout – which wasn’t helping.

After that cue endless fretting about when we’d be sitting down for a meal, and then whinging (loudly) throughout all the speeches as to when her dinner would be coming (they did the speeches first). You wouldn’t think it was her beloved god-daughter getting married at all.

Had to be restrained from drinking all the red wine out of two bottles on the table for everyone – and then moaned endlessly about that.

Took her to the toilet (for hundredth time) and she was woozy on the little bit she’d had – tripped on a step and somehow I managed to on instinct lean forward and grab her before her face went smack down on to the gravel. So feeling a bit heroic over that.

Took her home at 6pm and came back for evening – only to be called back an hour later by the neighbours as she’d gotten herself confused as to where she was (think she might have thought she was at the wedding hotel?) and where we were. Settled her and didn’t go back as by now too overwrought.

She’s called ten times within the last hour this morning asking what time we’re picking her up for the wedding today – everything from yesterday completely forgotten…

Yes, I know, I know – all par for the course with dementia, and she can’t help it. It was an event out of routine, which always knocks her massively for six – before, after and during.


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Mum-in-law doesn’t “know” me – I’ve said this before,
Not my job, age, nor degree – she’s no clue any more,
She still “got” I was a relative, in any case,
But now – for the first time – she’s forgotten my face…

She was over at our house for dinner last night,
To be fair, I could tell she was tired, not quite right,
And yet it still struck like a bolt from the blue,
When she turned to me and said, “Is Miss Merlot coming too”?

Tried to brush it off, but she asked three more times,
Not suspecting at all that the name here was mine,
I said, “That’s me, MIL” – she replied, “Oh, that’s true!”,
Who’d she think I was before then…? I haven’t a clue!

In my little life, she has loomed oh so large,
These last five years – the defining factor by far,
And so, yes, it stings a bit – of that you can be sure,
That so quickly and easily I just slip out of hers….

I know that tomorrow she will know me again,
And it was not her intention to cause me this pain,
I was the last into her life, and so – without doubt,
It stands to reason, I’ll be the first one out…

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When I come home full of bubbles and beans,
Buoyed by the minor triumphs of my work day,
I can’t wait to come home and fill you all in,
You show your love and pride with a vocal “wa-hey!”.

When I come home spitting venom and bile,
At some stupid triviality that has come my way,
I know that I’m safe just to vent all to you,
Of course you agree fully with all that I might say…

When I come home shattered and horribly late,
Stressed out, under pressure, nearly out of my mind,
You’re on hand at the station, ready with TLC,
Once home you make dinner and pour me my wine…

Whatever the day and whatever my mood,
Whether I’m happy, tired, angry or sad,
You’re my true retreat at the end of the day,
My rock and my refuge – and of you I’m so glad…

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Blagging It!

Started new job just two weeks back,
On day four had a minor heart attack!
Boss’s words chilled me to the bone,
I’m to do a big project all on my own!!!

It seems that my department head
Thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread!!
Not sure what gave him that idea…?!?!?
High expectations to live up to here…

Never mind I’ve not done this before,
And am new – so barely know the score,
No choice but to take it on the chin,
It’s climb the board and dive right in…

And so it seems it’s sink or swim!
Not been given any water wings!!!!
This treading water feels quite draining,
Where’s my job-specific training…?!?!?

Just one person on whom I can rely,
My fellow new start – a great ally!
But how much help can she really be…?
She’s in the exact same boat as me

Solo this task I’ll have to tackle,
Somehow managing the doggy paddle!
Just wish they’d thrown me a life jacket,
But not included in my new pay packet!!

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Blagging It

So started big scary super corporate job on Monday…

Induction Day was as you’d expect – lots of corporate rah rah rah, vaguely humiliating team exercises and meeting loads of intimidating clever people, but all of whom were nice with it at least! I made the effort to “network” (i.e. approach strangers and make small talk!), which is really not something that comes naturally to me at all (especially not with recurrent tummy troubles on top of it all too!), but still managed to be brave and pull it off (I think).

I was amazed to find that another 100 people were starting alongside me, and the induction was in this dead plush conference centre with loads of amazing food and drink laid on throughout the day – talk about rolling out the red carpet!

Of those 100, I met the one girl on my team starting at the same time – and thank God I did, otherwise the last day and a half actually spent on the office floor would have been ten times harder than were it just me! Fortunately we hit it off, and have been helping one another through all the new start stuff and having some really good chats over lunches. I know one single person shouldn’t really make that much of a difference in how you start out and see things in a new place, but somehow it still really does!

The manager of our team (of over 100 people!!!) is not in at the moment, but the acting manager looking after us is really nice and “human” (I use that word deliberately, as inwardly thought they’d all be more like super intelligent machines than people like me), and helped put us both at ease…

I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, what people around me are talking about, or where I’ll fit into to the wider team, but it’s early days yet and wouldn’t really expect anything otherwise at this point – at the very least, no one has seemed to clock any great error on their part in hiring me in the first place!!

Let’s see how it goes from this point in – so far I think I have been very brave! :D

Am Back!

Well, recently back from our ten (should have been eleven) days in sunny (read: SWELTERING 40+ degree heat) Sharm-el-Sheikh.

Let’s get the “niggles” out of the way first, starting with the highly inauspicious start of us missing our outbound flight due to pile up on the M25, which meant we were stuck between 2 junctions for a two and a half hours with not a hope in hell of ever making our flight… It was only via sheer luck that I managed to call the airline with just five minutes to spare to move our flights to the next day – any later and we’d have had to pay full whack, as opposed to already hefty “administrative fee” (which as it turns out, the insurance will cover anyway – result!). Needless to say, we were up at the crack of dawn the following day and headed to Luton via the back roads rather than brave the accursed M25 again before a flight!

Once there though, we were almost regretting coming at all – the resort we’d picked (unbeknownst to us!) was Bedouin owned and therefore “dry”. Having survived the previous 48 hours only on the sure and certain promise of cocktails on the beach on arrival, let’s just say I wasn’t happy at only non-alcoholic beer on hand to ease the sheer trauma involved in just getting to this damned godforsaken country in the first place – NOT EVEN ANY SODDING WINE. Seemed like the place was a ghost town, plus barely existent wifi – and then to top it all off, our sodding aircon only went and bloody started leaking. Hardly the most auspicious of starts, to say the least…

Oh, and did I mention the shits??? Cause, oh my God, there were shits – OH came down first followed quickly by me, and at times we were tag teaming our poor beleaguered toilet… In my case, dodgy tummy also came with the added benefit of passing out cold (or rather “out hot”) for two meals on the trot – and there I have to say the local staff were wonderful. Never has an oxygen canister been administered with such loving care… ;) Eventually we were tipped off about a local antibiotic, Antinal (illegal in the UK I believe), that sorted us both right out within 24 hours – and just as well too, as at this point I was rapidly losing the will to live, and I don’t think our bed sheets could have taken much more collateral damage…

But – believe it or not – it got better from there! :)

Wine (purchased in town from the one bottle shop) on the balcony of our otherwise perfectly charming hotel at sunset soon had us chilling, and we soon cheered up once we’d discovered how crystal clear and warm the Red Sea waters were, and that the hotel had its own private coral reef on the doorstep.

Naama Bay as a town was pretty soulless and gaudy, but we still had some great evenings (once stomachs had settled!) in the bars and restaurants out there. Certainly beat those three previous days on our sick bed sharing a single takeaway meal from the hotel restaurant sat watching the various B movies of Dubai 1, given we were both a) wanting on the appetite front and b) for obvious reasons too scared to leave the safety of our air-conditioned room!

Our primary mission for the trip to learn how to dive was completed – OH passed his four-days PADI course with flying colours (even with the ever present danger of shitting his wetsuit), while I managed to revive my long neglected diving skills as well, and even enjoy the experience in spite of sadistic, shit face, mysoginist diving instructor, lugging equipment that I swear weighed more than I did, and suffering full-blown panic attack within first hour of the course… I know I wasn’t going to drown at just 2 metres, but at the time I felt like I might – and instructor shouting at me there seriously didn’t help one bit!!! Even saw a sea turtle at one point!

So overall a really nice time, if a few pitfalls – at the very least, we did our diving, got a tan, and (once tummies had settled down) a few nice cocktails and meals out… Still, was glad to get home again afterwards – Great British weather has never come as such a relief!!

And – most importantly of all – at least MIL somehow survived our absence!!!!

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Practice Makes Perfect

Oh, when will I feel like I know how to drive?
I’m not a bad driver – six months now I’ve survived,
Yet each time I at my end destination arrive,
Quite frankly I’m gobsmacked that I’m still alive!

When’s it become second nature? Almost automatic?
My car is an auto – yet I’ve not quite got the trick,
The gears in my head seem to grumble and grind,
I still feel like a learner inside my own mind…

How long will it take? Cause I feel in the dark,
Still can’t quite get to grips with the parallel park,
I’m fine whilst in motion – can cope with the road ahead,
But at parking at the end spend my journey in dread…

I go by the book still – no cocky maneuvers,
My three point turns could be a bit faster and smoother,
But how do people drink or use their phone at the wheel??
Takes all my focus not to crash my automobile!

I’m still all on edge when I’m driving alone,
Filled with sheer relief when I make it safely home,
Jeremy Clarkson I’m not – there we all can agree,
I know practice makes perfect – but when will that be…???

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This Too….

This too shall pass – it has before,
But how much longer, how much more…?
Each day I ask myself the same,
Each day the same old shit again…

This too will pass – but when, where, how?
Feel bogged down in the here and now,
I know that this can’t last forever,
But things will get worse before they get better…

This too shall pass – the adage goes,
Time will tell in the end – I know,
But when will the future come about…?
My patience is fast running out…

This too shall pass – a wise old saying,
Five years now my constant refrain,
One day maybe I’ll look back at last,
Just live in hope this too will pass…

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