Practice Makes Perfect

Oh, when will I feel like I know how to drive?
I’m not a bad driver – six months now I’ve survived,
Yet each time I at my end destination arrive,
Quite frankly I’m gobsmacked that I’m still alive!

When’s it become second nature? Almost automatic?
My car is an auto – yet I’ve not quite got the trick,
The gears in my head seem to grumble and grind,
I still feel like a learner inside my own mind…

How long will it take? Cause I feel in the dark,
Still can’t quite get to grips with the parallel park,
I’m fine whilst in motion – can cope with the road ahead,
But at parking at the end spend my journey in dread…

I go by the book still – no cocky maneuvers,
My three point turns could be a bit faster and smoother,
But how do people drink or use their phone at the wheel??
Takes all my focus not to crash my automobile!

I’m still all on edge when I’m driving alone,
Filled with sheer relief when I make it safely home,
Jeremy Clarkson I’m not – there we all can agree,
I know practice makes perfect – but when will that be…???

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This Too….

This too shall pass – it has before,
But how much longer, how much more…?
Each day I ask myself the same,
Each day the same old shit again…

This too will pass – but when, where, how?
Feel bogged down in the here and now,
I know that this can’t last forever,
But things will get worse before they get better…

This too shall pass – the adage goes,
Time will tell in the end – I know,
But when will the future come about…?
My patience is fast running out…

This too shall pass – a wise old saying,
Five years now my constant refrain,
One day maybe I’ll look back at last,
Just live in hope this too will pass…

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In One Ear

In one ear and out the other,
With admin, finance and your mother,
Whatever “issues” we seem to talk about,
It goes in one ear, the other out,
Your promises are all in vain,
You’ll just do the same thing again,
Within a week you’ll just regress,
And leave me cleaning up the mess…

To admin act like you’re allergic,
Forgive me if I sound acerbic,
But what’s a girl supposed to do??
I’m 33 – you’re 52!!!
Older but by no means wiser,
Your job’s as a Financial Advisor!
Yet cash flows through your hands like water,
Get your own financial house in order!!

It’s always someone else’s fault,
To every problem – your default,
But just so there is no mistaking,
All of them are of your own making!
Act like consequences don’t apply to you,
When will the facts ever get through??
Live in dread of drama yet to come,
And don’t get me started on your mum!

We’ve had this conversation before,
No repeating myself anymore!
For once please hear what I’ve just said,
And get the message through your thick head!
Perhaps I should just get the hint,
That I’m the one p*ssing in the wind,
I don’t know why I even bother,
It’s in one ear and out the other…

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Skin Off My Nose

I’m sick of your mother and I’m sick of you too!
Propping both of you up seems all that I ever do,
Looking after you both – didn’t sign up for this!
And I can’t help but feel that you’re taking the p*ss,
No good deed goes unpunished – or so the saying goes,
But she’s not my mum – so no skin off my nose…

You just take take take till I can’t give any more,
Always bringing your own self-made drama to our door,
Which I then have to clean up – your mess and your mum’s,
And when it comes to her admin, you always play dumb,
And with things that I can’t do, you protest and oppose,
Let her get in a mess then – no skin off my nose…

Not my problem if your mum has run out of cash,
Sub her yourself from your personal stash!
You’ve got money to spend still on concerts and clothes,
Here’s an idea – sacrifice some of those!
You’ve not yet paid me back on what’s already owed,
So sort it yourself – it’s no skin off my nose…

What’s mine is mine – my time, money and life,
And I’ve given my all as the dutiful wife,
Some give an inch, some will just take a mile,
I’m learning my lessons – know it’s taken a while,
Time now some boundaries and some rules to impose,
Clean up your own mess – it’s no skin off my nose…

Sometimes I do dream of just walking away,
Not carrying the two of you day after day,
Living independent, unencumbered, carefree,
No more of your drama – just caring for me,
Believe me – this was not the life that I chose,
So what if we split? It’s no skin off my nose…

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No News is Good News

No news is good news – or so the saying goes,
And that saying is so apt for dementia – God knows!
Don’t worry – I’m still here and no I’m not dead!
Just not much to say that’s not already been said…

It’s not that things are better, not that they are worse,
Just not much dramatic lately to put in to verse,
And mum-in-law’s “moments” seem to serve as my muse,
Poetry just won’t flow till she’s lighted my fuse…

Work is quite busy as countdown to leaving begins,
Conducting a handover and tying up all loose strings,
My manager’s gutted and my whole team all are too,
But a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do…

Some news – found a tenant for mum-in-law’s old home,
A relief, as her bank account’s all but been blown,
On all those long weeks of renovations and repairs,
Rental income her way will come in most handy there…

But that’s about it! We’re all just ticking along,
Having said that, something’s soon sure to go wrong!
And I’ll be back on here spouting lyrical whines,
But no news is good news – at least for the meantime!

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Arggggggggggggggggh

Feeling very stressed out at the moment.

Just spent the last hour sorting out MIL’s latest crisis…

She’d managed to lose her keys and get locked out of her flat (am guessing she made it through the front door to the complex by following someone else). Given she will never carry her mobile, I found out from the care line which operates in the building, as MIL had used the intercom to them in the corridor to contact someone – which was some good thinking on her part, I have to say! (House Manager had already left for the day when all this was happening).

OH was in London with a client for afternoon with phone off and me at work here too.

Cue a flurry of frenzied calls between me / landlord (not answering) / care agency (no one on hand to come out in short notice) / locksmith / care line again to say they’ve now got hold of another manager who will come with the master keys and let her in / locksmith again to cancel etc.

Yes, I know it’s time to get a key safe in place (if assisted living will allow us to put one up).

She must have had the keys when leaving the building to have locked the door, and has obviously lost them while out on her travels to the shops and back…

Called her after an hour to make sure she was definitely through the door, and she is – asked her if she’d found the keys and she said “I haven’t looked yet”. Which is MIL code for “I can’t find them”.

The House Manager is going to blow a gasket when she hears about this.

The key was always a sore point with her even before this (she was worried about MIL losing it and someone using the front door key to gain access to the building), and MIL has only gone and proven her right there (to be fair, MIL has never locked herself out before in the new place or the old one before).

Now the only keys we have are the ones OH has, and he’ll have to hand those over to MIL tonight – it’s the sort of key that can’t just be copied on the high street (they have to be specially ordered), so that leaves a good few weeks before we have a spare back with us, and if MIL pulls this latest trick again in the meantime, we’ll be stuffed.

If we even get that far – HM will definitely be on the warpath tomorrow once she hears of this…

God knows what I’ll do if this happens in the new job…

Just not answer my phone to any numbers other than OH’s I think, and let the fallout lead back to him next time, whether in his own client meeting or not….

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Update!

Long time no post – life seems to have been very busy lately, thankfully in a positive (if stressful at the same time!) sort of way…

The massive task of house renovation is now complete, estate agents have been engaged, and (touch wood!) we should have a tenant moving in on Friday (subject to reference checks etc)! Which is a relief to say the least – MIL (not that she knows it!) could certainly use the boost to her income after all that expenditure we made on her behalf in both securing the new place whilst at the same time restoring her old one…

MIL has been relatively stable these last couple of weeks, and OH and I even managed to sneak in a quick weekend trip to Venice this week without her even noticing, which was absolute bliss – wonderful weather, beautiful city, plentiful food and wine, and all in all some much needed “couple time” for us both.

Sometimes it’s only when you stop and breathe for a second do you realise quite how much you were in need of a break – in short, just what the doctor ordered!

Buuuuuuuuuuuut the big news this end is that I look to have an amazing new job!

I’ve not mentioned the fact that I’ve been interviewing the last few months (just felt in need of a change), then as luck would have it ended up getting two offers on one day! It’s been a bit of a dilemma to choose between them, as they were both very good prospects – but in the end I have decided on the one on offer from a serious name in the City (can’t name which, but let’s just say a major player!). Quite frankly I was amazed to have even got an interview with them (particularly considering the level of the role) – let alone a job offer! It will likely be a lot of hard work and pressure, but at the same time a great opportunity for me to adrenaline boost my paycheck career and raise my profile within the industry.

Handed in my notice today, which was really hard (have been at my current company nigh on ten years now) and should be starting at the new one in about six weeks – just absolutely terrified now in case they notice their mistake and change their mind in the meantime!!!!

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Growing Soft…

Took MIL out for her birthday tonight. She was about as sweet as I’ve ever seen her!

She at one point she quite unexpectedly took my hand and thanked me for all I’ve done for her, and said how she’d be lost without us both – was quite taken aback at that! Although I’ve taken her hand several times before in order to comfort / reassure her etc, in all the time I’ve known her, never once as she done the same to me…

Interesting that she should choose my hand to take and not OH’s – or maybe I’m just reading to much into things, as usual!

While we were in the restaurant, I saw an elderly bloke arrive, greet the staff as a “regular” might do (they clearly knew him by name), seat himself in the corner and proceed to eat a meal all by himself…

Gets me every time I see something like that. He’s lonely, I’m lonely – I can empathise.

I wanted to give him my card and say that next time he should join us (we take MIL out every week, and another face round the table would be more than welcome from my point of view!), but OH said I was being a sap and wouldn’t let me.

I did smile at the man as I left and he looked surprised and smiled back.

Feel really bad now that I didn’t reach out…

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Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary! Congratulations! Still here!!
Standing strong despite all the shit over the years,
We’ve come through redundancies, health problems and the rest,
And when it comes to dementia, have risen up to the test,
Survived those car accidents and also your breakdown,
Sure many lesser couples would have by now run aground…

Faced more problems in three years than some in a lifetime,
Kept one another afloat – each other’s buoy, raft, lifeline,
We’ve both faced down dementia, driving dramas and debt,
We’ve had times that were hard, but we’re not beaten yet!
Live in state of constant crisis – and yet we’re still content,
Can only conclude that we’re for each other meant…

And yes, we have our moments – but know they never last,
Happy memories of good times both in present and past,
We still both love to snuggle and make each other laugh,
This love of ours will be written in our epitaphs,
We’re seven years in now – three of those spent as wed,
Here’s hoping for many a happier year still ahead….

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House is Done!!!

Just been round to see the work completed on MIL’s house, and also meet an estate agent with a view to getting the ball rolling on the rental front.

It is truly amazing how much has been achieved in just two weeks!! Especially given that it started out as looking like an episode of Hoarders, with stained carpets, peeling wallpaper, clutter and decay everywhere etc – basically a huge mess that truly had to be seen to be believed.

Very happy with the results – especially my wallpaper choices! ;)

This property and the hugely daunting prospect of both a) prising MIL out of it in the first place, and b) getting it all cleared and restored afterwards has been hanging over my head for literally years – pinching myself now that we are finally there!!

Never thought this would have been the case at the start of the year – it’s been a long and hard two months sorting this whole move to assisted living, but the house is now finished and MIL settling well (in the main) at the new, smaller, safer, streamlined place.

Estate agent reckons it’s very marketable and hopefully will be rented out soon.

Am going to enjoy this rare moment of optimism and relief while I can – I know it won’t last!

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